light where all is dark

……and nobody cares about right instead of wrong and good instead of evil

and gentleness instead of wrath

and chances are a mistake was made somewhere ……Richard Bach

Just a few days back I had read of this incident that happened in china where a two year old girl lies injured on the road and people walk on all around her without helping. The clip is apparently floating on utube but I just don’t have the heart to watch it. As it is I’m still reeling from images of gaddafi as he is kicked and stomped on by a mob…..try as I might I just cannot get the image off my mind.  A pack of wild dogs would have looked gentler in comparison. I am no defender of gaddafi and he probably met his just deserts but it was the maniacal behavior of the mob which left an indelible impression on me.

It just made me think... whether all our talk of humanity is just that…talk. It’s rather like learning things at school and never using that knowledge later in our lives. It’s all right to talk about kindness but we are increasingly becoming more abrasive in our nature. We like to shut out the harsher realities of life and pretend they don’t exist. It is easier to turn away a person from our doorstep because he might be a fraud rather than spend a minute trying to hear him out. There are stories of break-ins and robberies so that takes care of whatever little trust we had in humanity to begin with. Tomorrow if I were to find an injured man on the road would I stop to help? Or would I convince myself that a). It would land me in trouble b). There will be others who can help him c). it isn’t really expected of me!!!!! Is this our future …a desensitized and dehumanized society where each person looks out solely for himself and shuts out everybody else?

 Sometimes I wonder whether it would be right to call myself part cynic and part idealist or maybe there is a different word altogether to describe people like me!!! I know there is a lot that is wrong with the world at large and our society in general today yet I cannot shake off the belief that things can get better….that there are people out there who still believe in values, who wouldn’t balk at helping an injured person on the road, who would stand up for what is right irrespective of what it got them.

All around me I observe festivities as the city gears up for deepawali….expensive gifts will be exchanged, there will be vulgar ostentatious show of wealth and I doubt if even a thought goes out to the values it is supposed to teach us. The victory of good over evil….the right path instead of the wrong……gentleness instead of wrath, humility instead of arrogance…..light where all is dark.

winter cometh!!

It’s getting dark earlier than usual and the air has a little nip to it. The thought crosses my mind as driving back home I turn a bend and see a cart with a mound of peanuts. Nestled precariously on the top is a smoking clay pot to keep the roasted nuts nice and warm. It is perhaps one of the more enduring images of the onset of winter.

 I love noticing the small changes that herald the coming season. Early mornings that are so much more beautiful. The warm sunshine breaks through overhead foliage into misty rays before becoming a dappled shade on the ground. Morning dew touches every little leaf, every blade of grass, every intricate cobweb so that they glisten and sparkle as if adorned with millions of tiny diamonds!

People out in the mornings will start wearing light sweaters or throw a muffler round their neck. Wood fire smoke will hang low over hutments in the evening giving a surreal feel to the atmosphere. As the temperature falls further out will come the heavy woolens. Schoolchildren will huddle on rickshaws bundled up in blazers and scarves. In the cold nights bonfires will appear on roadsides like beacons of hope to all the pavement dwellers lending the much needed warmth in their cold dreary lives. When we spend all of summer trying to duck into a shade to avoid the blistering sun it is such a relief to be able to wallow in it in winter. To be able to go for long walks without the heat and humidity bothering you. It’s the time for bonfires and barbeques!! A time for Christmas carols and New Year parties!

 Winter brings with it the unparalleled joy of curling up under a thick quilt with a book and waiting for your frozen toes to thaw……..Of holding your cup of hot tea with both your hands to feel the warmth seep in……of smelling the frost as it hits you square in the face…. Of soaking in the delicious warmth of the afternoon sun right to the bones and feel the fuzzy sleepy feeling that comes with it……aah winter cometh!!!!

morning walkers part deux

Following up on a previous post that I wrote here are a few more interesting characters.

Chief among them …..‘The militant aunty’ is really hard to miss. Stout, matronly, clad in a sari hitched up to reveal sneakers beneath…..she brooks no impediment in her path. Aggressive to the core she walks like a battle tank in action. You really don’t want to mess with her. She rounds up by personally checking out all the numerous ‘choorans’ and shady health drinks on offer outside the compound before heading home to a suitably domesticated and (I hope!!!) docile husband!!!

The ‘I’d be in bed if it weren’t for my wife’ walkers. These make up quite a lot of the people I encounter in the morning. They couldn’t care less about walking and amble quite listlessly around the walking track. Given half a chance they will park themselves in a shade and sip nariyal paani and watch the PYTs walking by. They are there to kill time until when they can safely return home with a suitably tired looking expression.

The ‘I need it but I can’t take it’ walkers. Completely out of shape this lot!! They

need far more than a couple of rounds on the walking track but just the effort of lugging that weight around is far too much for them. They look like they are in physical pain as they breathe heavily and sweat profusely yet they labor on in the hope of emerging from their chrysalis….as a younger, fitter, slimmer, version of themselves!!!!

 The ‘Help!!!….Im getting married in a month’s time’ walkers. All the chubby girls and boys who have suddenly woken up to the fact that they don’t even remotely resemble their avatar on matrimonial sites!!! These poor souls battle the bulge in an effort to look somewhat like their cleverly shot pictures. There’s also the added pressure of fitting into designer wedding clothes and looking good in the photos and videos. Wedding albums are to be proudly flaunted not hidden away in the back of a drawer for fear of someone recognizing you bursting out of your wedding finery!!!

So out you go now. Pull on your jogging shoes and take a round of the track…..and while you are at it keep a look out for all the interesting people you are sure to encounter!!!

the poet and the pretender

 “And so while the king was looking down

                        The jester stole his thorny crown

                        The courtroom was adjourned

                        No verdict was returned….”

The written word has always held a strange but intense fascination for me. Right from the time I was introduced to the magical world of Enid Blyton till now when certain well strung words can move me to tears like nothing else can. As an intensely introvert child my bottled up emotions usually took the form of verse. While writing one often finds oneself a little torn between the heart and the mind.  Sometimes we find that jumbled up words will express emotion like a perfectly well written verse wont. The iambic meter seems to make no sense when it’s your emotions in flow. The well written verse on the other hand is well written, doesn’t have to necessarily carry your emotional baggage and is easy to appreciate. Anyway the point here is that I like every other person who writes, do at times give in to convention and write what is expected. So it was with much trepidation that I shuffled with my two poems to my teacher. Young, unsure and brimming with unasked questions and the usual heartaches. The first poem was of course the one that I had written with absolutely no intention of getting it published. It was a jumble of words, shorn of any adornment. It was just truthful and bare. It was me without my mask.

The second was beautiful. It rhymed at just the right places. It talked of the glories of Mother Nature and the ungratefulness of man to the point of being clichéd. If I had it with me now I would have probably ripped it into tiny pieces and stomped on it for good measure!! I cringe in embarrassment when I think of it . Now it was indeed a shock to me when the second one was chosen to be published. It’s not real I wanted to cry out! I of course didn’t. What I did do apart from receding further into myself was read up a lot on this thing called existential loneliness. The theory proposes that man by the very virtue of his existence is a loner. He may walk awhile with friends but his thoughts are essentially his alone. No one can understand and share his inner most thoughts and fears.

Which of course led me to believe that I could get people to believe in everything but the real me if I wanted to. At fourteen that sort of a realization is life changing if nothing else.  This incident brought the fourteen year old me in direct contact with the till then barely acknowledged realities of the world -that you are two different people for most part of the day. There’s an image that is there for the world to see or rather what the world expects you to be. The other is the person inside- beautiful and flawed. One is a pretender and the other is a poet

the morning walkers

If you have not been a regular one for morning walks I suggest you do become one. It will open up a hitherto unknown perspective on all the people you know. Irrespective of how they behave in life otherwise morning walkers have pretty distinctive styles of behavior early in the morning. Just to help you have a better understanding I have classified them into different kinds and yes given them names too. Now you just have to go out there spot them and slot them!!!!

There is this breed of morning walkers who strut about in their latest jogging tracks. I call them 'the professionals'. The threads will be puma…. headband wristband in place. The shoes will be serious too especially designed for running jogging or whatever it is they are trying to do!!!…..i pod headphones stuck inside their ears, sometimes a timer strapped to their wrist and a sipper….sorry a branded sipper in the hand. They run, jog, walk in a world of their own, the other walkers are just mere hindrances to be suffered. They are there because they mean business.

Then there are 'the socialite walkers' they come to the tracks only to exchange hi’s and hello’s, a peck here and a hug there. They stroll about a bit and catch up on the latest gossip about last night's do. Their work done they saunter off at a leisurely pace.

 The most dangerous of the lot is 'the ambush walker'. His only purpose is to catch your eye, begin with a casual hello and completely take over your walk. He wants to walk with you, talk with you, even wants to know what music is playing on your ipod!!! He wants to take over and that’s his modus operandi!!! You may wear your shades and run in the opposite direction but it does not deter him for he my dear friend is made of sterner stuff

'The yoga fanatic walker' is only there to let the lesser enlightened mortals like you and me know what we are missing out on. He walks less, stretches out in various gravity defying postures more!!!! He sneers at your feeble attempt to lose weight by simply walking. Yoga is a way of life he says. Damned be the fact that you do not want that way or that life!!!

'The energetic arm swinger' is another. His concentration is not so much on walking as it is on swinging those arms. It’s best to walk at a safe distance from these ‘swingers’ because at times their arms threaten to swing right out of their sockets. They are ‘armed’ and dangerous believe me!!!!

While walking you will also come across the disembodied sound of laughter emanating from some shady corner of the tracks. It’s 'the comedy circus walkers'. They stand and laugh en masse. It’s a daunting sight to say the least. I secretly feel they idolize archana puran singh and try to see who can laugh as loud and as much as her and without a reason too!!! Pretty harmless lot this but there are mornings which you are feeling particularly grumpy and yes you do get the urge to strangle them.

That’s all for now. Will come up with a few more in my next post……happy walking folks!!!

The things i'd say if i could only say them

 It happens to me all the time. I find myself in a situation which requires me to raise my voice a few decibels and vent my anger (usually happens at retail chain stores or sometimes with obnoxious aggressive people I have the misfortune to meet). Raising the volume is not an issue and oh the anger is very much there all right….. simmering and seething. Sad bit is I am at a loss for words. Where are they???Where is the dictionary load of words I have spent my life reading and acquiring when I need them most??? Did they decide to go for a walk deserting me when I needed them most??? So I stand there opening and closing my mouth a couple of times looking like a human equivalent of a fish. But no words come to my rescue…no sir!

  Later is of course, a different story altogether. And that’s when my lost wits wander in hand in hand with all the things I could have said…and  I get thoughts like ….hey that’s what I should have said!!! I imagine the whole scenario again and in my imaginary world my vitriolic tongue lashes the opponents to pulp!!! They cower in fear and I am of course unstoppable!!! In the dream sequence the floor managers quake in fear when in reality I know that if I get really angry I would probably just embarrass myself by dissolving in tears!!! I don’t know if it’s only me but for all my creativity, the fountain of wisdom and words as well seems to dry up the moment I am faced with adversity. Intensely frustrated I come away feeling completely deflated. What’s the point of all the choicest words, I could have said, coming to mind much later?

It is one thing to put words down on paper and quite another to be able to say them face to face. Give me the written word any day I say….I feel so much better

Anytime you wish for an emotional outpouring hand me a sheet of paper. It will come spouting forth but no you can’t expect me to sit with someone across the table and do the same. No darned way!!! At times like these I like to portray myself as an empathic listener but the fact is I freeze up in the face of emotional outbursts. I juggle my facial muscles to bring about a semblance of a sympathetic expression but inside it’s like an ice floe! If someone wants to vent their grief, anger, frustration, does not want to be saddled with counter recriminations, advice and instead would prefer only a vaguely sympathetic silence in return….well then you have me!!!

Maybe one day I will be able to gather my courage and wits and say what’s on my mind but until then I live in hope!!! Hope that one day all that needs be said will be and God help anybody who’s around then!!!!

thank you ms.woolf

Well it’s been quite some days since my last post and as always I have an excuse. A brilliant one to say the least if I may say so myself!!! I am simultaneously writing on four different  streams of thoughts and yes very often I end up thinking about the warring ideas rather than putting them down on paper….or rather my computer screen!! In the process all four are half written and waiting rather morosely to see the light of the day. It’s quite frustrating to say the least. First having to deal with the ‘having-no-inclination- to-write’ phase and now having the ‘too-much-to–say-and-don’t-know-how’ phase!!! Patience is a virtue I very clearly seem to have missed out on.

I personally feel that the stream of consciousness theory, pioneered by ms Virginia Woolf amongst others, was basically just a smokescreen for dealing with this kind of a thought process!!! I mean why bother separating the different streams when you can just dump them all together and let the poor reader plod his way through trying to basically find the point!!! Imagine being able to write what you please as you want it without the completely unfair added pressure of it having to make sense!!!

Our politicians have after all mastered this art and it seems to be working for them too. Have you ever seen them hold forth on their accomplishments??? Its so much more interesting watching paint dry! On and on they go talking about this and that making absolutely no sense while the hastily herded together audience concentrates (and rightly so)on the paid-for puri aaloo and swats at  flies!!! Or our done to death saas bahu soaps for that matter. Stretched way beyond requirement repetitive and monotonous…..but yet they hold the nation in thrall! They make not an iota of sense even when they are all clubbed together!!! Definitely stream of consciousness at work there I say!

Wouldn’t life be wonderful if anything worth saying could be said as a long meandering monologue with no friendly voices telling you to kindly cap it and get to the DAMN POINT!!!! Ok ok I heard you guys….am going back to writing!!!